Will Patrick Mahomes Get As Many Rings As Tom ‘Gollum’ Brady?

Brady Mahomes
Brady and Mahomes enjoy split screens, and long walks on the beach

Well, most NFL quarterbacks come to realize it’s hard as hell to get a ring. Even the best of them (and Eli Manning) are often fortunate just to claim one or two. Joe Montana owns four, the greedy fuck. And then, there’s the recently retired ring wraith known as Tom Brady, who has seven. Pretty sure some of those were earmarked for the elves and dwarves, but whatever, that’s Tom.

Then there’s Patrick Mahomes, an inspiration to frog-voiced men everywhere. He got mangled and still went out and won another ring. And then hosted “The Muppet Show” the very next night.

So that’s two rings for Kermit already, and he’s only 27. Assuming he can keep taking the pounding from Miss Piggy, he should have another 10-15 shots at adding to his jewelry collection. And the Chiefs have all the makings of a dynasty. Like the Patriots, or the Real Housewives of the Florida Panhandle.

That’s the good news for Mahomes. The bad news is it’s fucking impossible. Even Brady went ten years between rings at one point, and that included two trips to the Super Bowl, plus a team that would have gone undefeated if not falling prey to the NFL’s version of Jar Jar Binks.

I know, that’s not a fair Eli gif. I should at least use an image of him from a game. Here’s one:

I think we all just wish Disney would put out more “Star Wars” content at this point. Clearly, it’s all been great. Have you seen “Andor” yet? There’s a scene where the expression on Diego Luna’s face ALMOST changes.

It’s really not his fault. His acting coach was a house cat.

But back to Mahomes. He might well be the most freakishly gifted QB we’ve ever seen. And by we I mean me, you, and Diego Luna’s acting coach.

Mahomes is in the perfect situation to make a run at the king. There is no better bet in the NFL to match or succeed Brady’s seven precious rings. He has the team, the time, and the opportunity. Plus, Brady’s moved on to pickleball, which absolutely sucks for everyone over 60. Like last year’s champ, Doris Fleener:

Admit it, you can’t wait for Brady v Fleener in the finals on ESPN3.

The short answer on Mahomes? No fucking way. It’s too hard. He’s not winning five more. Maybe five total. My over/under is 5.5 and I’m taking the under. Same over/under for the number of times I’ll call him Kermit, and I strongly suggest you take the over while rubbing your chin.

Rings or not, this guy is gonna dominate for awhile. So I strongly suggest you get used to it while rubbing your chin.

Also, fuck Jar Jar.

As always, thanks for playing!

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