Vikings, Bills, And Kirk Cousins, Oh My!

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Kirk Cousins
Kirk Cousins falls backwards for some reason

Just a reminder, Kirk Cousins is not a real NFL quarterback. Oh, sometimes he looks real, and even acts real. But so do the muppets.

Huge win for Minnesota over Buffalo, in the most entertaining game of the year so far. When both fan bases throw up in their own mouths at least 5 times, you know it was a good game. And the gagging went back and forth like everyone was playing spin the bottle with the clown from “It.”

The Vikings won, yet Cousins literally came up an inch short (which is also his new t-shirt slogan). He made some spectacular throws, along with two ugly interceptions, then failed to squirm a half-yard into the end zone on 4th down with the game on the line. His face crossed the plane, but the ball didn’t.

Should have been game over. But then things got all kinds of weird and we ended up in overtime. Cousins had nothing to do with any of that. And keep in mind he has a receiver in Justin Jefferson who apparently can go God-mode on 4th and 18.

My dog saw that play and actually yelled “He fucking caught that shit??” out loud, which was still more believable than what Jefferson did.

Then in overtime, Cousins had first and goal from the 3-yard line, and a touchdown would win the game. Three forgettable plays later, out came the field goal unit.

That left an opening for Josh Allen, who promptly marched down the field to the Minnesota 20-yard line, only to throw an ugly game-ending pick in the end zone. Suddenly Allen looked just like Cousins, which is not good because it means Kirk’s horribleness is contagious.

Allen’s symptoms got worse overnight, and by Monday he was almost unrecognizable when he spoke to the press:

Speaking of “The Walking Dead,” why is there a spinoff called “Fear The Walking Dead?” Does the sight of walking corpses elicit any other kind of reaction? So they’re not for cuddling? Thanks for clarifying. Can’t wait to see “Fear The Machete Killer.”

The Bills are starting to look like every other good Bills team that somehow didn’t win the Super Bowl. So, bang up job there. As for the Vikings and their chances, guess what happens if it all comes down to Cousins?

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

As always, thanks for playing!

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