The Browns Found A New Vomit-Inducing Way To Play Dead In Cleveland

Typical Cleveland fans
Optimistic Browns fans

And you didn’t think they could. It’s not that they blew a 13 point lead (at home) in about 60 seconds to end the game, that would be typical Cleveland. But they did this against the Jets. The JETS! The Milhouse of the NFL!

Fans found a possum at the game. But it wasn’t there by accident. The Browns actually brought it in to teach them how to play dead.

It’s the same possum the Bengals have been using, it has a great reputation on Yelp. It’s also done some consulting work for the Colts and is currently dating one of the Kardashians (the image-obsessed one).

You want to blame running back Nick Chubb for scoring that last touchdown instead of just falling down short of the goal line, don’t you? By scoring there the Browns went from a 100 percent chance of winning to a 99.9 percent chance (according to the laws of math outside Cleveland).

Never mind the seemingly inconsequential missed extra point that followed, leaving the lead at a perilous 13 instead of 14, with under two minutes left in the game. And the Jets with no timeouts. Like they needed any. Oh, and New York’s starting QB Zach Wilson was out with an injury so they were using what’s left of Joe Flacco, who’s a pick-six away from opening a steakhouse in Gaithersburg. Of course it was the Jet backup. This wound needed a little more salt.

Sure, sure, all kinds of nearly impossible things still needed to unfold, like a lightning quick Jets TD pass to an inexplicably uncovered receiver. Woot! And then a successful onside kick, which never works. Zoinks! Well, New York still needed another touchdown, right? No need to panic.

Right, right. But hey, the Browns still had 22 seconds left for Jacoby Brissett (uh oh) to get them into field goal range! So maybe… No? An interception? Huh.

Cleveland fans weren’t even all that upset, which says a lot. Most fan bases would have lost their shit like America was trying to ban alcohol again.

The possum can teach Browns fans nothing. They’re already dead inside. Like serial killers, or people who eat at Denny’s.

As always, thanks for playing!

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