You heard me. Were there horrible calls made (and worse, defended)? Yes! And? This isn’t anything new, people. There have been awful, game-swinging, momentum-changing calls since they started playing this dumb, rigged, thrilling, addictive sport we all lose our wives over.
But, but…those roughing calls were really bad, Schectman! Waaahhh!!!
For the first time ever, people took to Twitter to bitch about something:
Even Shannon Sharpe chimed in, and he’s normally so quiet and shy:
These were the nicest ones I could find. Also, Shannon Sharpe has a new children’s book out called “Bulljive: How to Tell Your Teacher to Suck It.”
Look, I get it. Whenever I see a terrible call I too scream “BULLJIVE!” at the TV. But everyone is acting like there’s never been a worse call in NFL history. The Grady Jarrett sack of Tom Brady isn’t even the worst roughing call in NFL history. Remember the phantom penalty against Ray Hamilton of the Patriots for roughing Raiders QB Ken Stabler in the 1976 playoffs? Of course you don’t, who would? So here’s an old photo that proves nothing:
That bad call was way worse than the Brady thing (or the equally shameful Chris Jones/Derek Carr call in the Monday Night game). The ’76 call cost the Pats a playoff game. And there were no special QB protection rules then, the NFL used prison rules, making the slight grazing of Stabler that drew a flag even more stupefying. There wasn’t even a tackle! On-field murder was allowed back then!
Bad calls have been ruining the game forever, and you think getting outraged will change everything this time? If they fix this, will pass interference calls suddenly get better too? Will no one ever complain about another holding call? Will we stop pretending hot dog eating is a sport?
I mean, who the fuck celebrates eating 60 hot dogs in 3 minutes? Do people watch just to see if they die? And why do I want to see this done with Carolina Reaper peppers?
Okay, well that just has to happen. Who do we call? It feels like a Simon Cowell thing.
But back to football. Maybe if a coach loses a challenge he has to eat a Reaper pepper? And if he wins then the refs all have to? There’s something to this, we’re flirting with a good idea here. I mean, isn’t stuff like this why we all watched “Squid Game?” Well, that and the crazy girl who gave us all PTSD by reminding us of a poor Tinder decision.
So enough with the scream-splaining about roughing calls just because lame officiating rage-turns you into The Hulk. Or more likely Shrek.
No matter how bad it gets, you’ll still watch. Like porn that has a story part. The NFL will address this issue and you’ll get over it. We always do.
And the bulljive calls will continue.
As always, thanks for playing!