NFL Playoff Thoughts (And Prayers For Charger Fans)

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Justin Herbert
Justin Herbert celebrates before remembering he plays for the Chargers

At what point did Charger fans know they were doomed? We could all feel it happening with such inevitability, yet it was such a slow-motion collapse, like Titanic. It took hours.

Justin Herbert is a good quarterback, it’s a shame he has to endure the Curse of the Bolt. Being a Charger fan is like spending your life in Shawshank Prison. Eventually you just get numb to the misery and stop fighting the jail rape.

The lesson, as always, stop trying to enjoy life.

As for Jacksonville, that was impressive. Trevor Lawrence is looking like a legit franchise QB, as well as the dude you buy drugs from behind the school.

Go Jags! Now we get to watch them lose by 60 to the Chiefs.

Meanwhile, the Bengals won thanks to a 98-yard fumble return when Ravens QB Tyler Huntley coughed it up reaching for the goal line. When that happens in Madden you immediately reset the game cause that’s just bullshit.

It was destiny anyway, because now we get the Bengals/Bills replay everyone wanted. Hopefully no one dies.

And then there was Kirk Cousins. Minnesota’s season came down to a 4th and 8 and Cousins was good for 3 yards. That’s so him, right? He’s like Roku, the nineteenth best place to look for entertainment.

Harry Potter masquerading as Weird Al Yankovic. That’s the Kirk Cousins experience. With less magic.

On the other hand, the Cowboys actually looked like the team they always pretend to be for once. Dak Prescott made Tampa Bay look like a playoff team with a losing record. That was the least fun thing I’ve ever watched, and I’ve seen “The English Patient.” Poor Tom Brady. The Bucs’ whole season was like a muppet dumpster fire.

This can’t be the end for the GOAT. Not like that. This is a man who does not tolerate losing, except in his personal life and business dealings.

You only get to be the GOAT at one thing. He chose football. I chose Yahtzee. It worked out great for both of us. We lead nearly identical lives.

It’s mostly good teams left at this point, so the Divisional Round should be exciting. Well, at least the Sunday games. Sorry Jags and Giants. If you win this week we’ll take you seriously. Like a headache that could be a tumor.

If the Eagles or Chiefs lose, it’s just an epic fail. Even worse than Nike’s “City Edition” NBA uniforms.

There needs to be less crack distributed in Nike pitch meetings. Or a lot more.

At least the Chargers made their mark on the 2022 playoffs. It’s a giant lightning bolt shit-stain, but it made Matt Ryan feel a little better about his life. So there’s that.

As always, thanks for playing!

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