I had no idea that this was even happening. I was scrolling through Instagram and stopped on a picture that to me looked like Lamar Odom boxing a 12-year-old. Upon further research, I discovered that on June 11, 2021 the sport of boxing took another devastating blow as two-time NBA champion and former Laker Lamar Odom fought former child popstar Aaron Carter. Just writing that makes me want to take a bath with my toaster. The fight was three rounds, each round lasting a minute and a half. Did ANYONE know about this? Seriously, I would love to talk to someone who was aware of this fight and paid to watch it. What other niche sport wisdom do you have? Can we expect a one-on-one soccer match between Dennis Rodman and Gordon Ramsey? Or a pickup basketball game between Paula Abdul and Dakota Fanning? What about a fencing duel between Willie Nelson and Clint Eastwood? I NEED to be in the know!
I haven’t heard about these guys since Carter released “Aaron’s Party” (my once cellphone ringtone) and Odom was keeping up with the Kardashians. But the two have been up to a lot since then. In 2019, Aaron Carter’s brother and former member of the Backstreet Boys, Nick Carter took out a restraining order on his little brother. The restraining order was “[i]n light of Aaron’s increasingly alarming behavior and his recent confession that he harbors thoughts and intentions of killing my pregnant wife and unborn child,” said Nick Carter. Aaron told his brother that it “ain’t nothing but a big mistake.” Nick responded by saying, “I want it that way.” After that, Aaron Carter made it to the Dancing With the Stars quarterfinal then got a face tattoo. Most recently, he has taken the porn industry by storm and regularly appears on OnlyFans and CamSoda. Because it’s always been my dream to see the schlong of the guy whose music I used to bump to when I was six. Lamar Odom was found unconscious in a Las Vegas brothel. The doctors found a serious cocktail of drugs in his system and assumed he wouldn’t survive. But he did. He went on to appear in a Taco Bell commercial and an episode of Entourage. He got engaged to Sabrina Parr, a health and wellness coach. The engagement was called off a year later.
These two guys have been put through the ringer. So is it really a great idea to put them in the ring together? To me, it feels a little immoral. These guys are known for their personal struggles. They are basically famous for them. Charging money to watch the two of them beat each other up feels a little, for lack of a better term, icky. It’s like paying two crackheads to beat each other up in an alley for your own amusement. On top of it all, this was hardly a fair fight. Odom is nearly a foot taller than Carter and over 60 pounds heavier.
The fight really looked like a little brother trying to beat up his older brother for taking his PlayStation controller. About five seconds into the first of three rounds, it became very clear that this fight was going to make the recent Mayweather vs. Logan Paul exhibition match look like Olympic-level boxing—Odom’s shorts were falling down, they were wearing protective head gear, and Carter looked like a heavily tattooed child standing next to Odom. Odom knocked Carter onto the mat with what appeared to be minimal effort. Carter did land some solid hooks towards the end of the round. But, it Odom absorbed the blows like they were in a pillow fight. He responded by giving Carter a little push, which subsequently knocked Carter onto the mat.
In the second round, Carter seemed to incorporate a new fight technique which consisted of spinning in circles and running around the ring. Due to the fact that Odom’s arm length is equal to the length of Carter’s legs, he couldn’t get very far without getting punched. Within forty seconds of the minute and a half round, Odom landed a left hook to Carter’s head and he lost all bodily control. After a few seconds of standing on all fours and heavy breathing, he signaled to the ref that he’s tapped out. Odom wins by TKO.
Apparently, there was also a boxing match between TikTok star Bryce Hall and YouTuber Austin McBroom this weekend. Last weekend, YouTube star Jake Paul fought Floyd Mayweather. This means that, within one week, five celebrities have taken part in televised boxing matches. I don’t like those numbers. Some of these celebrities are even doing this in an effort to become actual professional boxers. With your help, we can stop this tragedy in its tracks. If you are interested in joining the effort to end these horrifying celebrity boxing matches, please contact your local government officials and troll all videos posted on social media of influencers training in a boxing gym. Please. Before it’s too late.
Morgan Williams is a freelance humor writer based in Atlanta.
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