Denver Is A Mile High For Giving $245 Million To Russell Wilson

Russell Wilson

Don’t get me wrong, Russell Wilson is a great quarterback, and Denver had no leverage after the dumpster fire Browns gave $500 billion to Women’s Rights Activist DeShaun Watson. But this will come back to haunt the Broncos worse than all those celebs when they lined up to sing “Imagine” to help fight Coronavirus.

On the other hand, this is definitely one way for the Broncos to screw the Ravens, who were writing up a Lamar Jackson contract where the numbers now look like shit stains. So, yeah, well played.

Wilson is 33. Sure, he says he wants to play for 15 more years, but does he eat nothing except seaweed and Elmer’s Glue like Tom Brady? Have fun in a few years when half your salary cap is going to the guy from “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” who drank from the wrong cup.

So basically the Wilson window in Denver will be the two years he was already under contract for BEFORE they gave him $245 million more. Savvy! But at least they’re getting a guy who always delivers in the clutch. Except for that time he threw the Malcolm Butler pick in the Super Bowl and the Seahawks have been the Jaguars ever since. Other than that.

Luckily there are only about 11 teams in the AFC currently better than the Broncos, so this was totally the right time to go all-in on an aging QB. In unrelated news, Bronco GM George Paton has entered the NFL’s concussion protocols. Here he is posing for Executive of the Year:

Denver is even spinning this as a team-friendly deal because Wilson left 34 cents on the table. Which is a lot of money to still sign other players if it’s 1958. Win-win!

Look, I’m not gonna sit here and blame the Nike Swoosh Pants Team for doing this. I’m just gonna make fun of them for it. When they did this with Payton Manning they were ready to contend. And it still went downhill fast. Like every time Warner Bros. thinks it’s safe to release “The Flash.”

This doesn’t end well. Unlike masturbating on a Zoom call.

As always, thanks for playing!

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